my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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