I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize