life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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