God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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