I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize