addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
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Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
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Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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