I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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