i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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