yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
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I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
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I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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