By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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