OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize