Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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