I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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