i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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