so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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