Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize