I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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