two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
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there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
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In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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