Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
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coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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