Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
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my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
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OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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