Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize