so let's talk penis.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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