I want to stick my p in your. b.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize