you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Congratulations! We have a period
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize