so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
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I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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