My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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