scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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