I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
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we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
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Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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