Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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