it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
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Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
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I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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