I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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