I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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