Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
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To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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