So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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