My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
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Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
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I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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