He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
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I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
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Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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