I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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