i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
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Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize