I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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