Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I am mentally ready for anal.
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