So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
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I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
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Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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