its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize