2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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