I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize