The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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