Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
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I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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