oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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