omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
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I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
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i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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