she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize