The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
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As shirtless as possible
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
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HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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